Uneasy day, *why are tears & pain are back*

today i woke up with a smile and super endu to do my workouts... chat with chris about some awesome anime~ and i leave for work!

today i started the day fine, but when i got home! the moment i got online, news feed to me like hell~

All of the sudden, my world of brightness just turn to a night thunderstorm... I HATE THIS FEELING
I don't know what did i do wrong? why are you doing this to me?
*Is it because of the things i posted in blog? or is the music video i sent to you? or is it the sms that i sent to you?*
i didn't do anything at all~
why do you hate me so much?

why must you do this to me~
i don't pest you or anything at all~

*I'm trying to get my world, my life, my rights, my chance, my will to live in the world & in order again.*
that's my only hope i'm holding onto now! i don't understand why must you avoid me till this extend~

must i really disappear from the sight of you than you won't hate me? do you know your that fuck up ex-boyfriends of yours come and disturb me? they called me cause it's either it's because he thinks that, he gotten your heart! and his so confident that he got you in his hands & come and be cocky with me~

what kind of man who dun even dare to own up his BIG fucking NAME~ OH!! i forgot his a boy that's why he don't owns up his big fucking name!

i bet if his reading this post, he must be very happy about what you're doing to me~

all i'm asking for is don't shut me out, i'm just trying to be friend with you, even if! i really mean IF you do wants me back or miss me or whatever, we can still go out as friends, keep in touch, things like that! *though deep inside me! i do wants you back~* BUT NO!!! NOT NOW~ BECAUSE I need & wants to focus about my priorities, my dreams & my life & my crack pot mindset to the correct path, get back to who I USED TO BE & A EVEN BETTER VERSION OF ME! BUT i need time~ the effort I'm putting in right now & I'm seeing progress, i'm working my way through~

most important thing is that i don't wanna lost a special friend like you~ i don't wanna lost someone whom i trust a lot~ I don't wanna lost that hope which give me the drive or a chance to achieve the future i wants~ i don't want to! all i wish is that how we can chat like how we used to chat in the past before we even got together~ that's the only thing i have in mind now~ Is that so difficult to begin with?